09 November 2007


I can't promise that this will be my last entry for today as I have a lot on my mind lately and I'm not quite sure how to put it into words. I found a picture that I have made my goal picture in the whole scheme of becoming healthy again. I look at this and remember where I once was; resting heart rate in the low to mid 50s, 113lbs, 4.2%BMI, 5% Body Fat... etc. I won't even go to where I am now. I know I'll never be in that good of shape again because I'm not in training but nevertheless, anything would be better than now. So in reference to the title, life. Life is a fascinating thing. There are times when I really feel I have control over everything than there are others where I feel like everything is falling apart, that is how I feel right now. So many things going on that I can't even begin to write about. I was reading Julia's entry from her birthday where she was recounting parts of her life and this part really stood out to me and made me think:

"I found my self looking back at my life and thinking about where I am right now, and it wasn’t a purely pleasant experience. Many thoughts and emotions filled my head and my heart. At first I struggled, to recognize Gods hand and His plan in the events of my life; for it is nothing like I had once thought and even hoped it would be."

She goes on to say so strongly how she can see Gods Hand so clearly in her life and I want that. As I pondered on that and how much I want it the thought, "You have it and you know that you do so stop looking for what is already in front of you." It hit me so powerfully I can't even describe it. All this time I feel like I have been looking for something then the realization came that I have had it all along. The feelings, thoughts, directions. Just the little things that happen, and just as Julia stated above it doesn't happen the way we hoped it would be, but our Father in Heaven/God/Supreme Being no matter what you believe or how you came to believe it, He knows us for what and who we are and how we will recognize His hand in our lives. This is a song that really describes me:

Face lost in a crowd; Feet wondering empty streets
Voice crying outloud; Heart aching with every beat
Someone searching, searching for someone
Everywhere and endlessly
Wishing waiting; Could there be someone searching for
Someone Searching?
Soul battered and bruised; Pride wounded and left for dead
Ears deaf to good news; Eyes tear-drenched and sleepless red
Someone searching, searching for someone
Everywhere and endlessly
Wishing waiting; Could there be someone searching for
Someone Searching?
I hear the cries and I know the pain
Can it be denied, that everyone has been and will be
Someone Searching?
Love standing alone; Hands scarred by the nails of hate
Hope suffering long; Faith urging that it's not too late
Someone searching, searching for someone
Everywhere and endlessly
Wishing waiting; Could there be someone searching for
Someone Searching?
Loving and longing, always there is someone searching for
Someone Searching.

Her lyrics always get to me she is wonderful. I do write I have had a few things published and have always wanted to get into song writing I haven't had the time recently to even think, I always have too much to do (not including all the books I need to read). Maybe I'll sit down someone in the upcoming holidays to dink around a bit.

I do know that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me, and I feel as though I can honestly say that. Yes I do struggle and feel alone but every morning when I drive to work and see all the beauty (yes there is beauty in SF) around me, how can I not know?

It is truly a wonderful sight. Life is rough and difficult but everyday there is a reason to live and do our best to become the person we desire to be and to be the person our God knows we can be.
"The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

purpose in life has an overriding influence on what he does with his time, energy, and resources. Without this sense of purpose, life has no compass."

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    ♥ Blessings are every where in our lives every day there are little things that mean a lot and sometimes we don't even notice them until we look back on the day. Memories and stories, arguments and tears - all bring blessings into our lives in one way or another. I do this blog so I can remember those moments and find the blessings that were once hidden in a normal sometime meaningless gesture ♥

    if we pay close attention we will come to realize that no day is the same as another as every morning brings with it a hidden blessing - a sweet morsel to cherish